i need to get motivated. goal: not weigh more than 100 lbs by the time i go to fl. lets start off easy... um, cg: 110 by dec 31.

fuck it, i'll do whatever the fuck i want.
or, at least i'll try.... = ( but i never get what i want (noteably boys)
i dont want to one day realize my life was one big disappointment

i hate everything. ugh. i cant do fucking anything and never will.

:-/ i'm a fatass

so the other day one of my guy friends said i lost weight, that was encouraging, but... i cant stop eating... but i feel sick afterwards... im probly gonna go throw up but its so hard not to be obvious. gah. so if i really did lose weight i probly gained it back. i wish i was like 80 lbs... thatd be amazing. i gotta lose like 30-40 lbs to do that tho... so thats my ultimate goal i guess. i wanna lose 10 lbs in like a month tho

so i got surgery on my shoulder thursday. now im screwed for 6 months. *sigh* even though it means practically no exercise, for a while i also couldnt eat, so that was nice... but its going away. damn. i figure if i cant be in shape i might as well be emaciated. ...i wish.
so i think two guys like me, there might be another one but i dont know. but i dont like them and that sux. jess has a bf now, im happy 4 her. she has a guy she likes, and she waits a while, but eventually she gets him. i dont even know who to like. i wanna just break out. just do whatever for the hell of it. but i know i wont.