......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... i'm tired
i had junk food 2day but not a whole of it so its not as bad
had wendy's 4 lunch and 1/2 a big cookie and a big chocolate thing
and some orange juice 4 dinner
i ran an interval workout but not very hard cuz i was tired

according 2 weightwatchers.com i swing between healthy weight and underweight. thats encouraging-ish i guess. but then again, they probly just say that 2 make fat ppl feel better.
yup. and i think i'm gaining weight. or will. i dunno what to do. i need to pretty much just stop eating i think. hopefully it'll work, but knowing me, i'll eat anyways since i can throw up. but its not fun :( and u dont get rid of everything, so it's not as good as just not eating.

*sigh*
eating junk food @ this very moment, know i shouldnt be eatin it cuz im just gonna go barf it up anyways, but i just cant help it.
maybe i'll stop eating soon
...yah, right.
i wonder if i cant stop eating or just dont want to.

sigh~
need more self control.
i dont wanna run right now but i have to.

i think im like katherine (i think that was her name) from 1984. u know, how she doesnt like sex and all? yah. but not so much that i dont like it (well i wouldnt know i havent done it) as im just scared of it right now. heck, im scared of just kissing someone. i guess cuz im afraid i'll screw up. and cuz im too embarrased about my body. but i dont wanna end up like the gurl in the book (that would suck) but the only way i can think of 2 get rid of your fears is 2 face em. but i cant really just go have sex w/ sumone. i cant even just kiss someone. cuz i want it 2 be special. (i know ill probly end up dissapointed, but, o well) besides, i dont know who i would/could do that with if i wanted to.
ok i tried 2 stop throwin up, but had 2 on xmas cuz it was so hard not 2. i dont think my stomach works anymore, when i eat food it doesnt digest it just sits there and makes me look even fatter. ugh. i wish i were anorexic cuz then i wouldnt have 2 throw up. but its kinda hard, esp cuz my parents would probly notice. and i dont have a whole lot of self control.
ive realized something thats kinda scary. id rather starve myself to death than be fat. if i could.

its amazing how anyone can hate their own body so much.
and the sad thing is, i dont think i'll ever be skinny enough.
even if i get to like, 90 lbs, ill probly still wish i were skinnier.
well, dont have 2 worry bout that yet, im still heavy enough that i really do need 2 lose weight.
i think im pissin off my sister.

...sigh
i ate too much 2day (and every other day)
i need 2 lose weight.
only like 20 lbs.
but, like, now.

i have like, NO control over my body....
i seriously need to get some
and ive decided that its too stressfull to worry bout other ppls love lives

ugh. we lost our game today. im not used to losing, so this wasnt cool. oh and probly the first time i threw up @ skool. great. *sigh* 9 out of 13 days isnt good. 13 cuz i started keepin track 13 days ago. also tried keepin track of what i ate, but when ur like me, its not very easy. also keepin track of my weight, which my sister thinks is messed up ("weighin urself that many times a day isnt healthy")
*sigh*

u know, gurls are really dumb. and they're so bad at bein friends w/ guys. they screw everything up w/ crushes and things like that. and then have multiple crushes at a time. dude, you cant tell a million guys that you like them and then expect them all to ask you out.

yah, 4 sum reason felt like i needed another site
well everyone has xangas now so i feel a need to be different
plus they always get mad @ me 4 putting "sad" stuff in my xanga