ARGH

my thoughts when i'm bored:
"go eat something"
but im not hungry
"so?"
well i'll get extra calories i dont need
"who cares, ur gonna be fat no matter what, ur just torturing urself for no reason"
thats not tru
"yah it is. u can starve and u still wont be skinny, so y bother? u can't starve urself anyways"
well, i can try
"go ahead and try, but it's useless. just go eat something"
i dont want to!!!!!
"give up. you always do. u can throw it up anyways"
but it hurts :-(
and i'll get caught
"you suck, ur doomed to be fat, ur not strong enough to resist it, GIVE UP"
leave me alone...

i want to move to key west, and lie out in the sun and eat nothing and do nothing (except run and swim) until i die.

ouch. threw up until i couldnt see quite right. my eyes still wont feel normal. and my throat always feels so... weird. in a bad, kinda painful way. and i smell. i always do after i throw up. i brush my teeth and stuff, and wash my hands, but u still kinda smell like throwup. im gonna take a shower after i go excersise.
mia hates me. help me, ana!!

havent been on here in a while. guess its cuz i stopped throwin up 4 a while, and then i got a xanga to write stuff on cuz ppl give me advice. yah so ive been throwin up more than usual lately... ugh. i just wanna be ana, is that so much to ask?? mia sucks. well, i can eat, but, its not worth it. im just not tryin enough. im going to tho. really. i hope. i yah, and ive figured out that im a total bitch. surprise, surprise. y must i suck so much?